Babyboomer news for October is probably not what you're expecting. Yes I know it's November now but all will be revealed. Stick with me.
I have clearly missed my deadline for the October newsletter. To those of you who look forward to the monthly missive i'm sorry but there is a reason. There are things going on in my life that have had to take priority. I'm sure you all know the feeling when all your plans go awry because life gets in the way. Well that's what has happened this month.
As regular readers will know this is my 70th year and I planned lots of
lovely things to do and experience with family and friends. After all
getting to 70 without any major health issues is something to
celebrate. There are lots of people who don't make it. I've had a
lovely time except for the storm clouds that have been slowly gathering
in the distance since the beginning of summer and they are heading my
At the beginning of the year my lovely daughter who had been living with me for more years than I care to count whilst she saved the deposit for her own home finally achieved her goal and moved out.
We were fortunate that we were best friends and got on well together
sharing chores and expenses which helped us both. We enjoyed each
other's company most of the time and I have to confess I missed her
terribly when she went and still do.
I was just beginning to get used to the idea that my home was my own at last and I could do what I pleased whenever I wanted without having to consider anyone else.
However it's all about to change.
I have a son who left home when he was 18 years old to work and live in London. He is now in his early 50's.
8 years ago he and his partner decided to leave the UK to live in Brazil where his partner originated from. The reason being his business had failed and his house was in danger of being re-possessed. At the time I was not convinced that the decision had been made for the right reasons. His lifestyle was always one that I had great difficulty in understanding and approving of.
However he wouldn't listen to any
of us. He managed to sell his home in London before it was
re-possessed and he then proceeded to ship the contents of a 3
bedroomed house out to Brazil at considerable expense.
To say that it has been a disaster is an understatement. The relationship broke down sometime ago and it seems that not being fluent in the language has prevented him finding a permanent job.
Consequently he has now decided his only option is to return to the UK penniless and homeless expecting Mum to bail him out yet again.
Whilst I offered to fund his journey home rather than see him stranded on foreign shores I now find I'm expected to keep him for the next few months until such time as he either secures permanent paid employment or is elligible to claim social security benefits, which would be at least three months from the date of his arrival at the end of November.
The fact that he hasn't worked for 8 years and is now in his early 50's is going to prove somewhat of a challenge for him to find meaningful employment and for me to be supportive.
Because his circumstances are mostly of his own making my feelings at the moment are probably not what the average Mum might feel at the return of a long lost Son. (The prodigal son springs to mind) Instead of welcoming him back with open arms and looking forward to his homecoming i'm feeling a mixture of despair and anger.
I understand that relationships break down but he doesn't seem to have done anything to help himself in earning money whilst out there and is simply walking away from everything he owns with no plan of how he intends to re-build his life other than to land on my doorstep.
I and other members of the family have bailed him out on numerous occasions over the years and nothing changes.
Retirement is the time of your life when responsibilities to
others should diminish, the time when you can focus on yourself.
If I was younger and still working it may be different but at 70 on a modest pension which I worked hard for why should I really be expected to do this?
No i'm afraid I want to stamp my feet and shout IT'S NOT FAIR!
i'm a Mom and when I picture the alternative i.e. him sleeping on the
streets with his belongings in a bin bag it doesn't help me sleep at
Consequently my thoughts are anywhere and everywhere wondering how it's all going to pan out
There are several articles on the website regarding "the bank of Mum and Dad". I had some very difficult times after my divorce when I was extremely hard up even though I was working but I would never have dreamt of expecting my parents to subsidise me. I simply decided I had to get a better paid job and work harder.
When are our adult children going to start taking responsibility for themselves and will they ever think of how they should be supporting us and caring for us in our old age?
What is more worrying if he doesn't sort himself out quickly what kind of old age is he going to have?
Not working for 8 years in the UK means he may not even qualify for a full state pension when he reaches retirement age.
I'm trying hard to think positive. It's some years since I had a man about the house so I'm mentally making a list of all the jobs inside and out that need attending to. He will have to earn his keep.
course the winter months and Christmas are not the best time to start
tackling decorating and gardening but we'll have to cope. If you come
by my house at Christmas be prepared we may have some serious decorating
going on and it won't be the christmas tree!
Or may be he would like to write some articles for the website on his travels and experience with perhaps some tips on "how to survive without a job or money".
This time it's me that seriously needs some advice I'm asking other baby boomers have you ever had to bail your ungrateful adult children out of trouble knowing you will never see the money again?
I'd be interested in your comments. What would you do in the same circumstances?
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